Fairytales don't always have a happy ending
by SaphiraJane
Summary: Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?  this is the questions Jess asks himself when he leaves Hartford. Starts in 6x08 and continues some time after.
1. Fairytales dont always have a happy end

**_Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?_  
**

**Title:** Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?  
**Author: **Clashingway

**Summary **///** A/N**: The first chapter basically is the rewriting of what happened in 6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing out, in Jess Mariano's point of view. This was an assignment for my Creative Writing Class, which means it was kind of supposed to be a oneshot.  
But I decided to write more - so this actually became the beginning of a fan fiction and there WILL be more chapters later in time.  
Please review.

**Disclaimer: **The script for the actual episode of Gilmore Girls (6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out) has been written by Daniel Palladino and it's original airdate on the WB was November 11, 2005. Gilmore Girls and other related entities, as well as the mentioned locations, are property of the writers of the show - Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

* * *

God, I must have been crazy to come here after all this years; after all that had happened between Rory Gilmore and me. But I came here, though. Came here, to show her something. I drove all the way from Philadelphia to Stars Hollow, Connecticut. Before I went to her house to see if she was there, I stopped at my uncles. I'm glad I didn't go directly to the Gilmore's, because Uncle Luke told me she moved in with her grandparents, Emily and Richard Gilmore, and was now living in Hartford. So I went to Hartford. But since I couldn't see her car anywhere, I decided to wait outside until she came home - after all, I knew what how much her grandparents disliked - no, literally hated - me. When her car finally pulled up the driveway, I took my bag and entered the yard of the Gilmore mansion. Rory must've hear the squeaking of the gate, because she immediately turned around when I opened it. 

"Jess," she said and sounded pretty stunned to see me - which was understandable considering the fact that I really hated that place.

"Hey," I greeted her and she greeted me back, still looking a little confused. Then there was a little moment of silence, until she finally spoke up again. I have never been one who used a lot of words, but the silence seemed to be killing her.

"I...," she started, but somehow didn't really finish her sentence, an insecure smile crawling across her face, "Sorry. That wasn't a sentence."

"I got the gist," I answered, walking over to her. It wasn't like one couldn't tell she was surprised, and maybe even a little nervous.

"What are you doing here?" I knew she would sooner or later ask that question.

"I got a job. Professional driveway skulker."

"Pay's good?"

That was something I really liked about Rory. No matter how much sarcasm I used, she didn't get mad - she just said her line and the conversation went on.

"Yeah, but the hours suck."

"Jess -"

Well... okay, sometimes the conversations didn't really just go on.

"I'm in town on a little business. All nice and above board," I explained.

"How'd you know where to find me?"

What the hell did she expect me to say? Something like 'I stalked you' ?

"Luke. I shook it out of him, he wasn't sure if it was okay."

"It's okay. You look good! The years don't seem to have hardened you."

Oh - wow. Nice change of topics, Rory. But anyways, thanks for the compliment, although it was a little weird to hear that. After all, it was her who said it. Her, the one and only, that had sent me away when I asked her if she wanted to be with me. I could still hear the many 'no's she had smashed against my head.

"Yeah, you look good, too. I know this is kind of weird, but there's actually something I wanted to tell you. Show you, actually," I wanted to show her something pretty big. I wasn't sure how she would react, but I needed to show it to her, though. I noticed that she was glancing up the house, as if someone was watching us and she was afraid we might be seen. Did her boyfriend maybe wait for her, up there? But... Emily and Richard probably wouldn't have allowed her boyfriend to move in... would they?

"I can come back another time," I really didn't want Rory to feel uncomfortable.

"No, it's just, uh, we're kind of exposed, here. I mean, her window is like right there."

Kind of exposed? That sounded like we were doing something bad, something illegal, something no one was allowed to see. Was she that uncomfortable around me? Did she need to hide me from other people?

"Who's?"

If it was her grandma's, it sure was reasonable not to keep standing here. The last time I met Emily Gilmore, I was late and had a black eye. And after all I did to Rory, she probably really hated me. If she had seen me, she would've probably even wanted to kill me right away.

"Oh, my grandma's. You want to come in?"

"You sure?" If she was afraid of her grandma seeing us standing in the driveway, why wasn't she afraid of her grandma seeing us in her room then? We were just standing in the driveway, talking. And in her room... we would probably be sitting somewhere. With a closed door.

"Yeah. Come on. But just be careful. She's a very light sleeper."

We went in and the house seemed even bigger than the last time I saw it about three years ago. I wonder if anyone ever got lost in there.

"Here we are," Rory said when we finally reached her room.

"Casa Rory," a matter of fact, although it didn't really seem like it when I looked around. The room didn't really look like the Rory I knew could like it. But the Rory I had used to know wouldn't have gotten into a huge fight with her Mom and best friend either. The more I thought about it, the more I saw, the more I thought I didn't know Rory anymore. The young woman took a pillow from the bed and put it on the floor in front of the door.

"So our voices don't carry."

"Very prudent," but I still thought it was weird. When I looked up from the pillow, I saw an old-fashioned and pretty ugly dress hanging on the door.

"This is not really my taste," Rory explained, gesturing around.

"Yeah, not unless you've aged about ninety years," this was something I just had to say. There were weird pictures and figures everywhere.

"I haven't," well, then there was at least one thing that hadn't changed.

I pointed at the dress that I had noticed a few minutes before. "Is that for Halloween?"

"No, no, this is just for a function I have to go to."

A function? A function? "A function."

"It's just a job. The DAR. Daughters of the American Revolution. It's not a career or anything."

"Oh, I hope not." Huh. Rory had joined that grandma-club called The DAR. Oh-kaaaay.

"No, see. Don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here temporarily. My mom and I -"

"Luke alluded to something," I interrupted her and I knew it was considered as inpolite. And I also knew that Rory didn't like being interrupted. But another thing I knew was that Rory and Lorelai, her Mom, were the best friends in the world and it would've probably been really hard for Rory to tell me the whole story all over again. But I appreciated it, though, because it showed that she wanted me to know at least a little bit of what was going on in her life.

"It's a long story. I was crashing in the pool house and that was just temporary, but the pool house became storage, so then I had to move into the main house. All temporary."

Those are the strings, Pinocchio. To me it didn't sound temporary at all.

"Isn't school in session?", I asked with raised eyebrows.

"Mm-hm." Wow. That sounded really excited. What happened to the Rory Gilmore that started her study-engine from zero to hundred in less than sixty seconds?

"Why aren't you living on campus?" After all, she was enrolled at Yale and could've stayed in the dorms if she wanted to. At least I thought so.

"Because I'm - not going."

"You graduate already, Doogie?"

"No, I'm just taking a little time off."

"Time off."

Huh. Wow. When Rory told me, that she wasn't going, I already felt kind of proud of her. But then she said she was taking a little time off - and again, I started wondering whom I was talking to. The Rory Gilmore I used to date back in our teenage-years? Obviously not.

"So, where are you living, Jess? I want to know about you. Mystery man." And she changed the topic of the conversation again. Apparently, she wasn't satisfied with the whole situation at all.

"I'm in Philly."

"Really?"

"Don't laugh."

"No, I'm not. Philadelphia's gotten cool."

"Yeah, and New York's gotten expensive. Anyway, it's a, it's a pretty cool scene in Philly now. A lot of younger people there. Pretty big art scene."

"I know. I read that in the New York Times. They had a picture of a bunch of young people standing on a roof, kind of eclectic and all. It looked fun. I mean, it was clearly one of those pictures that wasn't candid, it was looking a little stiff, but they looked happy."

There - THAT was a part of the Rory I used to know. She always had that idea of big cities. I can remember the day she visited me in New York and got totally thrilled when someone asked her for directions. Then I noticed something else. There was a smile on her face, a small and insecure one.

"Are you nervous?", I asked with a soft voice. Honestly, I wasn't as cool as I tried to act as well.

"A little," she sighed, but was still smiling, "it's been a long time."

"I'm a little nervous, too," I admitted - something I would've never done a few years ago. It had always been hard for me to show feelings, to talk about what was going on in my mind - which was probably a part of the reason why our relationship hadn't worked out.

"Good, I'm not alone."

"So, I didn't just come here to chat. I wanted to show you something," I finally got back to that again and started digging in my bag.

"Right. You said that."

"And I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person," I pulled a small, black-covered book out and gave it to her, waiting for her reaction.

"Oh, color me curious," she said, taking it, "...A book...," I could see her eyes scrolling over the cover, "The Subsect. Written by Jess Mariano." She looked up again, giving me a questioning look.

"That's no misprint," I answered with a little smile on my lips.

"You wrote a book?"

Yes, I, Jess Mariano, the guy about who people always had said he couldn't make it, wrote a book.

"A short novel," I didn't want to sound too proud. After all, it wasn't as long as some other books out there.

"You wrote a book?"

"And through a fluke I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it, I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it!"

"You wrote a book."

"There's no money in it. They only printed, like, five hundred of them. Believe me, I'm not quitting my day job," I really tried everything not to make it sound like more than it actually was. But I was a little proud of myself, though. Because I had reached something.

"But - you wrote it. You wrote a book," Rory repeated, got up and started flipping through the pages.

"Yeah, I know, it's hard to believe."

"You sat down and wrote a novel."

By now I wasn't sure anymore if she was being amused by it, or if she was proud of me.

"Author distributed, too. That's what I'm doing here. I'm going around, begging independent bookstores to put it in stock. Got it in a few."

"Cool! Where?"

Okay, there we go. She was proud of me.

"Around."

"I want to see it in a store!" By now, she even sounded thrilled.

"I can give you the addresses."

"You know what I'm going to do when I see it in a store?"

"What?"

"You know that section toward the front, the staff recommendations? I'm going to grab a copy of your book and put it in that section. And then I'm going to write my own little recommendation on a card and attach it so people see it and buy it." It seemed like this was the most exciting thing that had happened in her life lately. Her enthusiasm made me laugh.

"Read it first. That way you can discourage people from buying it."

"No way. I know it's good. Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it."

Yes, she knew it. She had always been the only one that believed in me. Everybody else in Stars Hollow had been against me, everybody but her.

"I know you did. I work at that press now. Five smelly guys in a cramped room on Locust Street putting out about three books a month. But it's fun."

"And what about a sequel? Are you writing a sequel?"

"You should read it before you get too jazzed about it, okay?"

Suddenly, Rory glanced pretty frantically at the door. "Shh!" After a moment, she sighed relieved. "Sorry. I thought I heard footsteps. I think we're okay."

And even if she heard footsteps - so what? Would she have told me to hide in her closet? Or under her bed? This was really kind of funny, but I tried not to make fun of her because I didn't want her to get upset.

"It's kind of late. I should go," I suggested and we both got up.

"It is kind of late."

"So I just basically wanted to show you that. Tell you - tell you that I couldn't have done it without you," I had dedicated the beginning of the book to her, but I wanted to tell her in person, though. Otherwise, she would've maybe never even found the book.

"Thanks," she said and if I'm right, she sounded touched - which was a good thing. And for a moment, I could even see her eyes light up a little. I think she really appreciated my visit.

"I'm going to be around for a couple of days. Can we talk again? Preferably above a whisper."

Spending some time with her to catch up a little sounded like a really great thing to do.

"Yeah. I'd like that. How about tomorrow night?"

"Eight okay?"

"Yep."

"Good," I pointed to the door, "I'll sneak out on my own."

I picked up the pillow and gave it back to her. It was still weird that she had put it down to the door, but well, I guess that was what the new Rory had to do. When I was already halfway out the door, she wanted to give the book back to me, but I told her that it was hers. I had brought it for her to read it, and not for her to only look at the cover.

The fact, that we were going to meet the next day, got me really excited. I couldn't wait and when I finally arrived at the Gilmore Mansion in Hartford the next day, I didn't want to ring the bell because I thought Emily or Richard would answer the door, since it was their house. So I took some small stones from the fountain that was located in the middle of the driveway and started throwing them against Rory's window. Suddenly, the front door opened and for a moment, I thought I got busted by Emily. But fortunately, it was just Rory.

"What are you doing?", she asked, sounding kind of amused by what I was doing.

"I didn't know if it was okay to ring or not."

"She's not here."

"She's not?"

"She's playing bridge tonight."

Good, this way, my chances of surviving the evening increased from fifty to hundred percent - at least for now. I threw the other stones back into the fountain. "I parked on the street so she wouldn't see."

"You're very good at covert ops."

"Years of practice. So where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. I don't know the area that well."

"You live here," it probably sounded more like a question than a sentence, but how could she not know any places? She was the one that lived her. The one that had to have a life outside those many walls of her grandparents house.

"I know, but Hartford's still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton I got right on the bus and headed home, so I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days I've just been eating here."

"Well, I just prefer not going someplace that has food in the title."

"Meaning?"

"Olive. Chili. Soup. No gardens, no plantations."

"Got it. Something funkier."

"Steer me to the college district, I'll find us something funky," I really didn't like those places the rich kids where hanging out at.

"Sounds good."

I was glad we agreed on that. We were just about to leave the driveway to go to my car, when a silver Porsche pulled up beside us. God, who the hell was that? I especially asked myself that when Rory glanced at me while a blonde guy got out of the car.

"Logan!"

Logan? Logan as in LOGAN? That Logan guy Luke told me about? Logan as in the guy Rory is dating ? Great.

"Am I interrupting something?" Yes you are. Get back into your stupid and way too expensive car and go back to where you just came from. Now.

"No. Hey. When did you get back?" No? Hes not? Excuse me Rory, but we were about to go out for dinner, remember?

"A couple hours ago." Why? Couldn't you have waited? Couldn't you have gotten into an accident? Or at least into a traffic jam?

"Oh, I thought, I thought you were getting back tomorrow." Which would've been a lot better. Because then we would now be sitting in my car, on our way to dinner.

"Thought I'd surprise you, Ace." Nice surprise. And hello-oh? I'm still here! Right next to you guys! I didn't know I had the ability to become invisible. Maybe I should start a career as a superhero.

"Well, I'm glad you did, 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess." Thank you Rory, I feel visible again. "This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town." That Logan guy literally stared at me, which made me smirk. I love it to provoke people, especially him, since he apparently thought he was better than me anyways. Maybe I should've offered him to give him my number. "Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like 'in from out of town' and 'old friend'. 'Cause when you're young, all your friends are new. You have to get old to have old friends." Rory, you're babbling. Just tell him to leave, or tell me to leave. Because I'm not going to leave without being asked for it - after all we had it set up.

Rory smiled and awkwardly shook her head. After a while, Logan stepped forward and stretched out his hand, which I reluctantly shook. I already hated that guy.

"How are you doing?", he asked me. A question, he didn't have to ask.

"Okay," I didn't feel like talking to him. He was only being polite, but I hate being fake by just being polite because others expect me to.

"We were just going to go grab a bite to eat." Why the hell did you say that Rory? I could already sense the question he was going to ask.

"Great, well, how about if we all go together, is that okay?" No, No, No Logan, its NOT. I don't like you, I don't want you to come with us.

"Okay by me," I answered though. I really didn't want him to come, but I couldn't just forbid her boyfriend to join us.

"Good," you could literally see the satisfaction on his face, which made me feel sick to my stomach. Nothing was good.

"All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us." Oh ya Rory, call him Superman. Call him Clark Kent. Oh baby, oh baby, you made our day.

"Call me Superman," the fact that Logan said what I was just thinking was scary.  
"Why don't you follow us?", he asked me, putting his arm around Rory. Of course, she was going to ride in his nice little Porsche with him. I really didn't like the fact that the two of them were riding his Porsche while I was simply following them. I had hoped Rory and I could spend the evening, talking, catching up... but with the rich kid by our side, we probably couldn't. Did I just think about calling him rich kid?

Wow. That matches the name of the Pub he took us to, the 'Rich Man's Shoe Pub'. Rory and her nice little boyfriend sat down at one side of the table, and I sat down on the other, right across from Rory. The whole thing was pretty tense.

"I live pretty close. I'd have had you over to check it out, but it's a bit of a mess." Huh. Thank god it was a mess - I really didn't crave for seeing his place. And I'm sure he didn't want me to see it either - and even if we had went there, he would've just showed off.

"And you don't serve food, so we would've been starving at your place."

"I've got appetizers. A full bag of chips, just check the expiration date before you dive in." Was someone trying to be funny? I really couldn't stand that guy. He seemed to say things just to hear his own voice.

"I'm good with this place." Actually, I just said that to remind the two of them that I was still sitting there. The music they played in there was really everything else but my type. And I knew that Rory didn't like it either, because we both used to listen to the same stuff.

"A little pointer, don't come on folk night." Alright Logan, got it.

"Yeah, I'm not a big fan of folk music." It was a random said sentence of mine, but I couldn't just ignore him. Well... why actually not? Ignoring him would've probably been the best thing I could've done.

"Thats something we have in common." Eww, Logan just said we had something in common. Maybe Ill forget about that whole Punk and Rock and skip to Folk, though.

"Great," I pointed out, putting as much sarcasm in my voice as possible. Afterwards, I took a sip of my beer and I noticed the way Rory looked at my. She had something apologizing in her face... why was she with him if she couldn't stand him either? If she wanted to apologize for his behavior, she couldn't have liked it.

"Where is a waitress?", Logan asked. When she walked by, he talked to her in the most inappropriate way one could, "Yo, yo. Right here. Uh, another McKellan's neat, and Jess, another brew?"

I told him that I was still working on mine and that I didn't need another one, but he ordered me one, though. Why did he even ask?

"So, we should probably order. It's a big menu, so if you need guidance -," Rory started, but I interrupted her by telling her that I wasn't hungry.

"You're not hungry?", Logan asked surprised.

"Nope."

"Thought the whole point was you two were going to get something to eat."

"And talk," Rory said before I could say anything.

"Well, yes. It's a given that you're going to talk while you eat. You know, the chef de cuisine will gladly make anything you want if nothing there appeals." Was Logan trying to be a help here?

Logan really started to annoy me. He kept talking and talking and talking, asking questions and making comments no one needed.

"So. What do you do, Jess?"

"Oh, this and that." It was really none of his business what I was doing.

"Describe the 'this'. Describe the 'that'." Logan's stubbornness made me roll my eyes. Didn't he notice that he was annoying me?

"He writes." Thank you Rory, but he didn't need to know that. I really considered just getting up and going, but then again I didn't want to disappoint Rory. After all, I was here because of her, and not because of the guy next to her.

"You write? Impressive. What do you write?"

"Nothing important."

"He wrote a book," Rory said. I don't know why she did it - I had already answered his question.

"Oh. You penned the great American novel, Jess?"

"Wasn't quite that ambitious."

"So what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length, or longer. Dos Pasos? Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?"

He thought he was throwing me with those names? Huh. I probably read how Anna Karenina throws herself in front of a train before his Dad gave him his first twohundredthousand Dollar car - and that must've meant something.

"You seem very obsessed with length," I said, smirking. I'm not quite sure why I smirked, but I did it though. Maybe to confuse him. Or maybe, because that sentence showed that Logan didn't care much about somethings content and only about its looks, its outer appearance.

"I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all."

"It's a short novel!", Rory was taking over the conversation again. She probably noticed how much I would've liked to make Logan shut up.

"Any good?"

"I haven't read it yet."

"Yet?", Logan really seemed to be surprised that Rory was going to read my book. Afterwards, he turned to me again, "Well, at least you're going to have one reader. That's something."

"Yeah," I said pretty unimpressed. I really didn't care about what he said. It went into one of my ears and immediately came out of the other one again.

"You know, I should just write down all my thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of he said, she said's and get it published. You got a copy on you?"

"No."

Wow, Logan really thought that writing was that easy. I was sure that no one would've cared about his thoughts - his book would've probably had the same content as the Playboy and the Sports Magazine combined.

"You should send me a copy."

Okay Logan, that was it. No more exchanging words with you. I'm done.

"Sure. Where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?", I asked, sarcastic and provocative the same time.

Afterwards I got up and left. I was really done with that guy; done with that evening. The way the evening went was the complete opposite of what I had had in mind.

I was already on my way to my car, when I suddenly heard Rory's voice behind me.

"Jess, wait."

I turned around to face her.

"We shouldn't have done this."

"He's just in a bad way lately."

"He's a jerk!"

"He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry."

Why the hell was Rory defending him? Didn't she see how much of an asshole he had been in there? Apparently she DID see it, otherwise she wouldn't have started apologizing. But WHY did she do that? Why was she with that guy?

"I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off."

"Well, I didn't want you to!" Why didn't you tell him not to join us then? Why did you get into his car? Why didn't you say anything when he came to your grandparents house?

"He'd better not come out here." I really felt like punching that kid in the face.

"Please, Jess. He had a lot to drink. He's tired from traveling. This isn't him. I swear."

"What the hell is going on?" I had wanted to ask her that the whole evening, and now I finally had the chance to. Did someone slap her head hard enough for her brain to get lost? For her personality to get lost? Where did the real Rory go?

"I told you, he's tired! And his family's bugging him right now -"

I didn't want Rory to start the whole defending-him-scene all over again, so I interrupted her.

"I mean, with you, Rory! What's going on with you?"

Rory was stunned by my question. "What do you mean?"

What do I mean? Rory? Are you just pretending not to know what I am talking about, or is that a serious question?

"You know what I mean! I know you. I know you better than anyone! This isn't you, Rory."

"I don't know."

"What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the DAR? No Yale - why did you drop out of Yale?", I asked passionately. This really wasn't the Rory I used to know. The Rory I used to date. The Rory I used to be in love with. This seemed to be a totally different person.

"It's complicated!"

"It's not! It's not complicated!"

"You don't know!", Rory said defensive. Why was she acting that way?

"This isn't you! This! Going out with this jerk, with the Porsche! We made fun of guys like this!"

I was in rage. I really was. What happened to Rory?! What made her become that person?

"You caught him on a bad night."

Oh boy. Why was she bringing HIM up again?

"This isn't about him! Okay? Screw him! What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?"

Rory seemed to start getting it - I could tell that from the way she looked at me. I gave her a questioning look, wanting to know what she thought.

"I don't know, she finally answered, sincerely. She looked around as if she was looking for an answer, wrapping her coat closer around her, ...I don't know..."

This was really getting to me and I know I was becoming emotional.

"Okay, uh. Maybe, maybe we'll catch up at a better time." I reached out and rubbed her elbow for a second, trying to make her a little more comfortable again. Then I turned around, ready to leave. For now, I was done with this. Done with her. At the gate, I stopped again and turned around.

"Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday?" I sadly smiled at her. I wasn't in the mood anymore to give her a real smile. Rory still looked kind of shocked and all I got as a reply was a short nod.

I turned around - this time for good - and left. I really hoped we could meet another time again and by then, we should really be able to talk things over. And by then I wanted the real Rory Gilmore to have started a comeback.

_** ... but Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?**_


	2. With the Lips of an Angel

**Title**: Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?  
**Author**: Clashingway

**Summary** /// **A/N**: The first chapter basically is the rewriting of what happened in 6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing out, in Jess Mariano's point of view. This was an assignment for my Creative Writing Class (but only the first chapter), which means it was kind of supposed to be a oneshot.  
But I decided to write more - so this actually became the beginning of a fan fiction and as you can see, there WILL be more chapters later in time.  
Please review.

**Disclaimer**: The script for the actual episode of Gilmore Girls (6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out) has been written by Daniel Palladino and it's original airdate on the WB was November 11, 2005. Gilmore Girls and other related entities, as well as the mentioned locations, are property of the writers of the show - Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.  
The lyrics of the songs I used and the songs themselves belong to their beloved owners, that are mentioned after each and every song.  
I only borrow the characters and locations, as well as the songs, and if any of their owners would like me to remove their properties out of my story, I ask them to tell me and Ill do it as soon as possible.

* * *

_**Lips of an Angel**_

Usually, my car radio blurts out music like no other, because I just can't stand silence. Silence usually is driving me nuts. But that day, I couldn't stand the music. It was killing me.  
No matter how often I pushed the 'skip/search'-button, every radio station played songs that seemed to be somehow connected to her. To Rory Gilmore.

_"...For what you do to me  
oh Baby theres no measure  
I've taken everything and  
Now I want to give it  
I left the lights on so you stumble in devotion  
So easy  
So easy  
Its left unspoken_..."  
(The Distillers - Love is Paranoid)

The Distillers. Not a good idea - Rory and I had gone to a Distillers concert the day of the ice-hockey game. So we both liked them. Besides, those lyrics were too much right now. Because - even if I probably... no, most certainly... wouldn't have admitted it if anyone would've asked, I still wasn't completely over her and seeing her the way I had that day made me wish even more that I could be with her; could be there for her.  
I zapped to the next channel.

_"...Darling you gotta let me know  
Should I stay or should I go?  
If you say that you are mine  
I'll be here 'til the end of time  
So you got to let me know  
Should I stay or should I go?  
Should I stay or should I go now?  
Should I stay or should I go now?  
If I go there will be trouble  
An if I stay it will be double..."_  
(The Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go)

The Clash. And again, there was nothing I could say, but: Bad idea. The Clash was another band Rory and I both liked... at least, if that Hutzenbanner, Houndscanner, Huntzberger, or whatever his name was, hadn't gotten her all into Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera yet. Besides, this is the song that had been in my head all the time when I had left to California and when I had left the day she smashed all the 'no's against my head. When I had left the one and only, for a guy who had left my Mom and me shortly after I had been born. And... had following him to Venice Beach had been worth it? Hell, no.  
Again, I zapped to the next channel.

_"...And the sun which formerly shone  
In the clearest summer sky  
Suddenly just changed address  
Now shines from her blue eyes  
Then she appeared, brittle shooting star that dropped in my lap  
Then she appeared, dressed in tricolor and phrygian cap  
I was a little troubled  
Hookah with my senses bubbled  
All Edward leared  
Then she appeared_

_And the moon which formerly shone  
On the marbled midnight mile  
Suddenly just packed its bags  
Now shines from her bright smile  
Then she appeared  
Out of nowhere..."_  
(XTC - Then She Appeared)

Duh. What was it with all those stupid radio stations? Couldn't ONE play songs that would distract me? Songs, that could mean absolutely nothing regarding Rory? ONE - that was all I was asking for, but even the next channel didn't want to please me...

_"...I still love you, Girl From Mars.  
Sitting in our dreamy days by the water's edge,  
On a cool summer's night.  
Fireflies and the stars in the sky,  
Gentle glowing light,  
From your cigarette.  
The breeze blowing softly on my face,  
Reminds me of something else.  
Something that in my memory has been replaced,  
Suddenly it all comes back._

_And as I look to the stars.  
Surging through the darkness over the moonlight strand,  
Electricity in the air.  
Twisting all through the night on the terrace,  
Now that summer's here.  
I know you are almost in love with me,  
I can see it in your eyes.  
Strange light shimmering over the sea tonight,  
And it almost blows my mind  
And as I look to the stars_

_  
Today I sleep in the chair by the window,  
It felt as if you'd returned.  
I thought that you were standing over me,  
When I woke there was no-one there.  
I still love you, Girl From..  
Mars"_  
(Ash - Girl From Mars)

Aaaaaand I zapped again. I really didn't need to do this to myself.  
God, it was so... pathetic.

_"...Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?..."_  
(Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry)

Okay. That was enough. I really didn't need to hear more, so I simply hit the off -button. The first time in ages, I was sitting in my car, listening to nothing but the engine and the sounds the passing cars left behind._  
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?_  
Obviously not.  
Why did it always have to end up like this?  
Her. Me. Fighting. It really seemed like we didn't have any great parting lines. This time, we ended up fighting, just because I cared about her. Maybe it wasn't my destiny to care. Maybe I wasn't made for caring about anyone; made to love; made to develop and show feelings. Maybe the life I had lived before I had been sent to Stars Hollow as a teenager had been the life I was supposed to live. The life, I was made for. The life, I could cope with.  
Maybe Rory had just made me be fake. Maybe she had made me wish for things too much. She had made me feel what love was, she had made me care, she had made me show at least a little feelings.  
And now?  
Now those things let us end up fighting.  
Ironic, huh?

I knew I had made a lot of mistakes in the past and that she had moved on - but can't we at least be friends? Being able to communicate with her - with Rory, and not with the fake dick-loving woman I had just met, without ending up fighting, was really everything I was asking for.

I got mad at myself.  
Really mad.  
Why hadn't I told Logan that his presence was everything else but appreciated?!?

While getting closer and closer to Philadelphia, I realized I had to find something that could distract me. Something, that could make me forget.  
After all, I had already smoked a whole package of cigarettes now - so that definetely wouldn't have worked anymore. And since I had to work the next day, alcohol wasn't an option either.

After hesitating for a second, I took my phone, dialed her number and waited for her to pick up. God, it seemed like it was taking her hours.  
"Hey Shannon... watcha gonna do tonight? ... Wanna... hang out... a little? Okay... grrrreat. Yup, two is okay... Ill be there by then..."  
Huh. So... Shannon was planning on coming over two in the morning, which meant she would be there by 1:30.  
At least I had a distraction now.

As promised, Shannon came over at one thirty. Fortunately, she was pretty much the opposite of Rory - Shannon was about a head shorter than me, she had blond hair (but you could tell that it was fake - I think her real hair color was black), and brown eyes. Besides she hated books, listened to teen-pop music and was totally into those Indian Bollywood movies.  
You could say, Shannon and I were friends with benefits. We were far, far away from being a couple - even from being real friends. We just met occasionally. When I opened the door, she knew exactly what I wanted. And I knew, she wanted it too. It was kind of a hobby to her - and I bet she would've perfectly fitted into my teenage years in New York City. Our lips met the moment she entered the apartment and it only took us a few minutes to end up in my room... and... in my bed.

After some time had passed and we were done, she fell asleep on my bed. I guess, I really did hard on her this time, but I had needed it. Now, I had at least cleared my mind, because I had been thinking about pretty much nothing while we had been in process.  
Since I'm really not the kind of guy who sleeps with you - speaking in terms of falling asleep next to you... I'd rather climb out of the window or sneak out the backdoor - I sneaked out of my room and sat down on the sofa, lighting a cigarette and grabbing a book. But the book, the cigarette, and I, we apparently weren't meant to be - I hadn't been sitting there for more than half an hour, when suddenly the phone started ringing.

"Hello?", I asked after I picked it up, probably sounding pretty annoyed.

"Jess...?"

_"Honey why are you calling me so late?  
It's kinda hard to talk right now.  
Honey why youre crying? Is everything okay?  
I've gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

_Oh Well, my girls in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on  
It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak_

_And I  
never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

_It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too  
Does he know you're talking to me?  
Will it start a fight?  
No I don't think she has a clue_

_Oh Well, my girls in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on  
It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak_

_  
And I  
never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel  
It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak_

_And I  
never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

_And I  
never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

_Honey why you calling me so late?"_  
(Hinder - Lips Of An Angel)


	3. Look After You

**Title:** Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?

**Author: **Clashingway

**Summary **///** A/N**: The first chapter basically is the rewriting of what happened in 6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing out, in Jess Mariano's point of view. This was an assignment for my Creative Writing Class, which means it was kind of supposed to be a oneshot.  
But I decided to write more - so this actually became the beginning of a fan fiction and there WILL be more chapters later in time.  
This chapter is a little short, but it's important for the next chapter, which only needs to be typed in, and then is ready to be on here.  
Please review. Pushing the pretty button keeps me happy and writing/putting stuff online.  
Thank you all SO much for all the reviews I got so far! It is nice to know what you think of my story!

**Disclaimer: **The script for the actual episode of Gilmore Girls (6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out) has been written by Daniel Palladino and it's original airdate on the WB was November 11, 2005. Gilmore Girls and other related entities, as well as the mentioned locations, are property of the writers of the show - Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.  
The lyrics of the songs I used in this chapter belong to The Fray ("Look After You").  
I only borrow the characters and locations, as well as the songs, and if any of their owners would like me to remove their properties out of my story, I ask them to tell me and I'll do it as soon as possible. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**Look After You**

"Jess...?" the voice asked again, and this time I could hear that the person it belonged to was crying, because my name was followed by a pretty big sob.  
"Ror... what happened? Are you okay?" I sat up, wondering what had happened.  
Did that assclown do anything to her?  
If so, I would sure beat the shit out of him. Yes, of course I was still kind of mad, but she apparently was anything but okay, and no matter what, she still was my priority.  
"Can I come in?" she asked, sobbing.  
"Where the hell are you?"  
"I... right in front of... your... I..."  
I hung up on her and went to the door. I opened it and there she was, standing in front of it, tears streaming down her cheeks.

_If I dont say this now  
I will surely break  
As Im leaving the one  
I want to take  
Forgive the urgency  
But hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

Without saying a word, I pulled her closer to me and put my arms around her. I didn't know why she was crying, but she obviously needed someone now; a friend.

_Oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh Ill look after you_

"Jess, you... you were right... about... ev-everything you said..."  
Her words were followed by numerous sobs and I could feel her tears on my bare chest.

_There now, steady love,  
so few come and dont go  
Will you wont you,  
be the one I always know  
When Im losing my control  
the city spins around  
You're the only one  
Who knows, you slow it down_

She put her arms around me really tight and obviously didn't mind that I was wearing nothing but shorts. I carefully pulled her into the apartment with me and closed the door behind us.

"You were right, about everything! God, why am I SO stupid???" she sounded really frustrated, and I hoped her question was rhetorically, because I pretty much knew that no matter what I would've said - it would have been wrong. I gently pulled her to the sofa with me, and she held on to me even tighter, as if she was afraid I might just get up and walk away.

_Oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh Ill look after you_

"Shhhh, Ror... you... you aren't stupid at all... you... you just weren't yourself."  
"Which is even stupider! Wh-What happened to the old Rory? The Rory that just did her thing and wouldn't let anyone change her? The Rory that didn't care much about what others thought?!?"  
I took her head into my hands and thereby made her look at me.  
"Listen, Rory, she's still deep inside of you. You just... have to let her start a comeback - I'm sure it would be way more successful than the one of the Backstreet Boys."  
My mentioning of the Backstreet Boys made her smirk a little.  
"How do you know? Jess... why are you so nice to me?"

I hesitated a moment and took a deep breath.  
"Well... you know... the old Ernest only has lovely things to say about you..."

_Its always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home  
Whats mine is yours to leave or take  
Whats mine is yours to make your own_

_Oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh Ill look after you_

"Jess...?" she said, sounding pretty insecure, and her watery eyes met mine.  
"Hm?"  
"I... think I've never really loved Logan."  
"You...?"  
"I... I think I was only... trying to... replace... you, and -"

I wished she would have had a chance to finish what she was about to say - I felt like some butterflies started to develop in my tummy - but unfortunately, it was like Shannon knew exactly when the wrongest moment to come out of my room was. Still occupied with closing her belt, she gave Rory and me a pretty weird look.  
"I guess I'll see y'around, Jess," she said and then left.  
Couldn't she just have said something like 'Tell Matt to call me'?  
Apparently, she was too blonde to think about such a thing.

"Oh my God! I... I should've known, I... I... I am sorry...," Rory stuttered, got up, and ran a hand through her hair.

And before I could say anything, she was out of the door...


	4. How to Save a Life

**Title: **Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?

**Author: **Clashingway

**Summary / A/N:** The first chapter basically is the rewriting of what happened in 6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing out, in Jess Mariano's point of view. This was an assignment for my Creative Writing Class, which means it was kind of supposed to be a oneshot.  
But I decided to write more - so this actually became the beginning of a fan fiction and there WILL be more chapters later in time.

This chapter - again - unfortunately is a little short... I PROMISE there will be more sooner than this time.  
Please review. Pushing the pretty button keeps me happy and writing/putting stuff online.  
Thank you all SO much for all the reviews I got so far - I owe you all big times, and this time nothing will keep me from the computer THAT long! I have spring break right now, and the next part is going to be here for Easter. It is nice to know what you think of my story, I appreciate each and every review!

**Disclaimer:** The script for the actual episode of Gilmore Girls (6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out) has been written by Daniel Palladino and it's original airdate on the WB was November 11, 2005. Gilmore Girls and other related entities, as well as the mentioned locations, are property of the writers of the show - Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.  
The lyrics of the songs I used in this chapter belong to The Fray ("How to Save a Life").

I only borrow the characters and locations, as well as the songs, and if any of their owners would like me to remove their properties out of my story, I ask them to tell me and I'll do it as soon as possible. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**How to Save a Life**

"Rory! Come on, wait a second! Rory!" I yelled, going after her. Yes, I, ich, je, yo, Jess Mariano, was literally running after someone. But after all, she wasn't just someone. She was Rory, Rory Gilmore. _My_ Rory. Well, actually, she was _his_ Rory, but... that didn't matter. Not at that moment.  
"Please, Ror!"  
Fortunately, she stopped, because honestly, it would have been way too cold to run after her all through Philadelphia, wearing nothing but shorts... although I would have probably done it, though.

_Step one, you say we need to talk_  
_He walks you say sit down its just a talk_  
_He smiles politely right on through_  
_Some sort of window to your right_  
_As he goes left and you stay right_  
_Between the lines of fear and blame_  
_And you begin to wonder why you came._  
\/p>

"I... I am sorry, Jess. I... I don't know what I was expecting, I mean... I... how could I think I still had a place in your life?"

_Where did I go wrong I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life._

"I mean... it... it's not like I didn't expect you to move on or anything, I...," again, tears started to stream down her face. I didn't care that some cars were honking because of my 'outfit' as they were driving by.

_Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you._

"What the hell made me think I still had a place in your life?"

_Where did I go wrong,  
I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life._

"Rory...," I began, looking into her eyes.

_As he begins to raise his voice,  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road,  
Or break with the ones you've followed.  
He will do one of two things,  
He will admit to everything,  
Or hell say hes just not the same.  
And you begin to wonder why you came._

She looked back at me, her eyes as watery and as blue as the ocean, her cheeks as red as the sunset after a storm.  
"...you... you have always had a place in my life... and you always will."  
But Rory just quietly shook her head.  
"No, no, no, Jess, you don't... you don't understand," her voice was full of desperation. I took another step towards her, and gently placed my hand on her cheek.  
"Yes, Rory. I DO understand," I said quietly, and at least hoped that I really understood. I leaned in, and our lips got dangerously close - I hoped she would make the last step; after all, she was the one with the boyfriend. She leaned in a little more, our lips getting even closer, and hers lightly brushed mine as she spoke.  
"What about your girlfriend?" she asked, looking me in the eyes. I could feel each of her words on my lips, and honestly couldn't wait to kiss her.  
"She's not my girlfriend," I answered, still speaking quietly, gently stroking her hair, "What about... your boyfriend?"  
"He's... he's not my boyfriend... anymore," she clarified just as quietly. I couldn't help but smile a little. She started to softly kiss me, and I of course loved to kiss her back. My stomach felt like it was doing backflips as I put one of my hands onto the small of her back, but all of the sudden,... she pulled back again.

* * *

I know this was awfully short, and I would hereby like to apologize for that. I hope you arent too disappointed by this.  
Next chapter will be long, I promise! The last chapter and this chapter are/were just little chapters, that are/were needed for whats to come, and making them any longer wouldnt have helped any... it wouldve just taken things away. 


	5. 20 Questions

**Title: **Fairytales don't always have a happy ending... do they?

**Author: **Clashingway

**Summary / A/N:** The first chapter basically is the rewriting of what happened in 6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing out, in Jess Mariano's point of view. This was an assignment for my Creative Writing Class, which means it was kind of supposed to be a oneshot.  
But I decided to write more - so this actually became the beginning of a fan fiction and there WILL be more chapters later in time.

So, heres a new chapter - as promised. And surprisingly, it isn't even based on a song - although people with the same taste in music as me will probably find one line that I sort of picked up from a song. I hope the chapter doesn't suck too much.

Thank you all SO much for reading and reviewing. And, again, I would like to ask you to please push the pretty button and to leave me your thoughts once you are done reading this.

**HAPPY EASTER**

**Disclaimer:** The script for the actual episode of Gilmore Girls (6x08, Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out) has been written by Daniel Palladino and it's original airdate on the WB was November 11, 2005. Gilmore Girls and other related entities, as well as the mentioned locations, are property of the writers of the show - Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Hofflund/Polone in association with Warner Bros. Television.

I only borrow the characters and locations, as well as the songs, and if any of their owners would like me to remove their properties out of my story, I ask them to tell me and I'll do it as soon as possible. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**20 Questions**

I looked at her, and the expression on my face must have probably looked as puzzled as I felt.  
"Did I... do anything wrong? Did I... bite your lip, or...?"  
My first question surprisingly brought a smile to her face, and my second one made her burst out laughing. She placed a little kiss on my lips, which pretty much told me that I hadn't done anything wrong, but yet I wondered what was going on.  
"See the snow?" she asked, gesturing towards the sky, a huge smile on her face. _Snow?_ I thought she must have been kidding me - it was September, and besides I was the one standing on the sidewalk, wearing nothing more than boxers, so I would've been the one to notice such a thing as snow, if anything... _right?_ Well, apparently not, because when I looked up, I really saw small chunks of white, slowly and peacefully falling down from the sky, and soon after I could feel the wet cold landing on my bare skin.

"Wha-...it is... September," I said, a little surprised, and gave Rory a questioning look. I actually thought it hadn't been cold enough yet, for even anything close to snow falling down to earth.  
Rory's smile grew even wider, and she tightly put her arms around me.  
"It's _snowing_, Jess... every time it snows, wonderful things happen, and everything seems... magical... like a fairytale."  
"So... we're living our fairytale?" I asked, a tiny bit of sarcasm in my voice - I just couldn't help being amused, she really sounded like a little kid. All I got as a response was a small nod, accompanied by a warm smile.  
"You're getting goose bumps... thats so not fairytale-ish," she said and now was the one to sound sort of amused.

Upon her detection of my goose bumps, we had decided to go back to my place, so I wouldn't freeze to death, and to... talk. _Yes_ - we had actually decided to talk; and I honestly didn't know what to think about that. I mean, yeah, I had changed over the years, and it was possible for me to say more than two words and to advance my opinion by grunting, but yet, I was kind of afraid of talking.  
Did that mean she had just changed her mind again, and that by kissing me, she had realized that she did indeed love that Logan Hamburger... Cheeseburger... Huntzberger, and that she had decided to go back to that jerk again?  
Hundreds of questions shot through my mind on our way back to where I lived - which was a lot, considering I lived only four blocks away.

Once we were back at my place, I changed into some decent clothes - which were a pair of black jeans, and one of my old Distillers T-Shirts, and got us some coffee. We sat down on the sofa in the living room, facing each other, and just started at each other in silence for a few minutes, before she finally broke the silence.

"So...," she started, obviously hoping I would say something, but when I did nothing but cocking my eyebrows, she sighed a little and continued talking, "... you... me... are we going to...?"

"... add another chapter to our fairytale book that was thought to be already having an end?" I offered, looking into her eyes. She managed to do a mixture of nodding, and shrugging. She just looked back at me, so I guessed it was my turn to continue talking this time. "Is that... what you want?"

"I...," she began, and looked down for a moment before meeting my eyes again, "...I... don't know."

"You... oh..."  
So she had come all the way from Hartford to Philadelphia - had driven about 178 miles - and had kissed me, without knowing what she wanted. I sure didn't want to sound anything close to bitter, but... that sounded just... grrrreat.

"I mean... I don't even know if I still know you; what have you been doing the past - almost three years? And... I have obviously changed, too... after all, that's... what you told me. I just... who says this - _us_ - is still going to work out? After all those years? Do you think Cinderella and Prince Charming would have still lived happily ever after if it would have taken him three years to find the glass slipper?"  
"I... we could... try?" I suggested, after I had let out a sigh. She didn't say anything for a while, and then all of the sudden, as if it had been the greatest idea she had gotten in a long time, she quickly and enthusiastically asked me to play _20 Questions_ with her - _to get to know each other again_. I hesitated for a moment, and then agreed to it. I was almost afraid of what kinds of questions she would ask, but on the other hand, I by now knew that communication was an essential part of having a relationship, and that being honest with her would probably be the key to her trusting me again. I let her start.

"Why did you date Shane? I mean... she totally wasn't your type... she had bleached away her brain, and the only thing you guys seemed to have in common was the inability to communicate with words..."  
I cocked an eyebrow. Inability to communicate in words... that certainly was one way to put it. And so was dating.  
"Shane and I never really... did what you would consider dating. We were... friends with benefits; or maybe not even that. To be honest, I used her. Used her to make you jealous, used her to make you want me. I mean, not want me as in ... _want me_, but... want me as in _wanting to be with me_. And she knew it - all I needed was something to get your attention with - and all she wanted was something to kill her boredom with..."  
"Why didnt you just... ask me out?"  
"Farmer John... and even if I didn't show it, I was... a nervous wreck around you - you drove me crazy, and I couldn't explain the way I felt around you to myself..."  
I wasn't sure if that now meant she had already asked me two questions - according to the rules, but then again I wasn't even sure if _20 Questions_ even had rules. I had never before told her that much about me, about the way I felt, but I didn't even think about it twice. Dr. Phil. That's what had made me think about communication, and sharing thoughts, a few years ago. So... why not just talk? After all, it was the key, right? And the key was all I could think about, because I really wanted there to be an us, a_ Rory and Jess_, again.  
And then it was my turn to ask her something.  
"Why did you... sleep with Dean?" I asked, and it was almost harder for me to ask this, then it had been to respond to her first question, where I had actually had to talk about what had been going on in my mind years ago.  
"How do you...?"  
"Luke. And Farmer John himself. Luke alluded to something, and when I stopped by in Stars Hollow to drop something off at Luke's, Dean saw me and the first thing he told me that he got what I had - according to him - always been waiting for - what had made me wanting to be with you in first place."  
"Was that what...?" she asked, a little taken back. I quickly shook my head.  
"No, Ror... it wasn't. That was what Dean said, and what probably most of the town thought, but... it really wasn't."  
A soft smile crawled across her face, before she finally started to answer my question.  
"For the... same stupid reason I first got together with Logan. I... one day, you simply disappeared. Then you came back, told me you loved me, and before I could say anything, you were gone again. Then you showed up at Yale - asked me to run away with you - and although I didn't mean to say 'no' to your last question, that whole... thing... just made me break down. As soon as you were gone, I started crying like I had never cried before - I knew I had made a mistake, but... I also knew that it was too late by then. So I decided that life had to go on, and that it was time to finally move on. I just tried to... find a replacement for you. I know, it sounds stupid - you're not just some... coffee mug, or crayon, but... I... had to try. And the fact that I knew it would drive you crazy if Dean and I... it just... seemed to make sense," she explained, and suddenly seemed to find her own lap rather interesting, since that was where her gaze wandered to. I nodded a little.  
"Did you... I mean... were you still in love with him?" My question immediately made her look up again, and shake her head.  
"No. I... I didn't... love him anymore once we got together... you and me."  
"So... you didn't always compare me to him?"  
"I...," she blushed a little, "...sometimes might have... but, that wasn't because I... loved him more than you or anything, it was just... it's something my mind sometimes has a tendency to do... compare things... or... in this case... people."  
Again, I nodded a little. I had always known that she had sometimes compared me to Dean, but it was good to know that she hadn't still been in love with him when we had been dating.  
"It's your turn again..."  
"Where... where did you go when you left?"  
"I went to California... Venice Beach, to be exact," I wasn't sure if she wanted me to tell her why I had gone there, too, but... this way, there would be one more question less she could ask in the end.  
"Why exactly did you drop out of Yale?" I asked, not giving her a chance to do the whole 'Two-in-One' thing again.  
"I did an internship at one of Mitchum Huntzberger's papers, and... as an intern, I thought it was my job to observe and learn, and to do what I was told. One day, Mitchum pretty much blew up on me, told me that I was... a gray mouse... too shy... and too quiet... to ever make it as a journalist. He... shattered my dreams, and I was stupid enough to let the whole thing get to me, so I... decided to take some time off."  
"Whole family of dickheads, huh?"  
She laughed a little and nodded.  
"My turn again," she declared, and thought about how to word her question for a moment - probably because she didn't just want to get a one sentence answer again, "Why did you leave to... California? I mean... one moment, at Kyle's Party, you told me you weren't sick of me, and then... when I didn't want to... you just... walked out, and suddenly... were gone..."  
I sighed a little. That was the question I had never wanted her to ask.  
"I wasn't sick of you, and I know I would've never gotten sick of you. The thing at that party - I am sorry for that. I... should've known better than to push you, or to even try. It... you came into that room, obviously caring, and... that just... I... I was scared. When you asked me if I was sick of you, I... wanted to tell you that I wasn't. Tell you how I felt about you, and then... I don't know. Big black out - you know, the whole... words coming out of my mouth thing had never really worked, and... I decided to try to show you that I... loved you, and that I cared, and... it obviously was the wrong way - which then scared me even more, because screwing things up had been the last thing that I had wanted to do. And then... my fath-, no, my sperm donator, Jimmy, showed up at Luke's. Big chance, I thought - I had never known him, and... seeing him there made me do the biggest mistake of my life - I left the one and only for a man who had left me and my mom, shortly after I had been born. He didn't even want me there, but just coming back to the forsaken town of Stars Hollow didn't seem like a possible option either..."  
Rory nodded a little, and it almost seemed like she understood. But I was sure it only seemed like it - after all, it had been stupid. I myself didn't even understand why I had done it.  
"Why did you break up with me, if you knew it was me who was calling?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.  
"Don't give me that look. You could've said something; no, should've said something. Because that's what phone calls are for - to talk. You had been gone - vanished like a fart in the wind, and then you kept calling without saying anything... calling at all made it look like you cared... but... it was too much. I was waiting for you to come back, kept telling myself and others that you would, but... you didnt even show up to my graduation, and... it already seemed like it had ended, so one of us had to make the final cut, and since you hadn't, I had to do it." She was right. Sort of, I guessed. "My turn again. Why didn't you say good-bye, and why didn't you say anything when you called?"  
"Ror, you need to stop doing that 'Two-in-One' thing, seriously," I said, smirking, and pretty sarcastic. I didn't really mean it, but I am sure it should've been considered cheating. "I... didn't say good-bye, although we met on the bus, because... I knew I couldn't have left if I would've said good-bye, if I would've had to see the disappointed, and maybe even mad look on your face. You weren't even supposed to be on that bus - seeing you, sitting next to you - it made me think about just getting off the bus, and turning around, for several times. I... just couldn't say good-bye. And I know you never deserved the way I treated you. And why didn't I say anything on the phone? Because I was afraid. I felt like anything I would say would be the wrong thing, and would just make things worse... by now I know better, but I guess I had to make a million mistakes to realize whats right and wrong. ... Did you ever give the old Ernest another chance?"  
"Yes, sir. Reread _The Old Man and the Sea_, and tried reading _Truth at First Light_. I think I finally got what that old nut case tried to say with all those fishes, but _Truth at First Light_ kept putting me to sleep, so I gave up on the whole Hemingway-affair again. Ever talked things over with Ayn again?"  
"Yup... but Rand was and still is a political nut," I said, smirking - this whole conversation kept bringing up memories from the day I got her picknick-basket. Dean had been going crazy, while we had been having a blast.  
"Why did you decide to go to Washington that summer? Dean kept on rambling about how you had actually said you didn't want to go..."  
"Because of you. Well, actually because of what had happened at Sookie's wedding..."  
"...the kiss?"  
"...yes. You made me dizzy running circles in my head, even when you weren't there, and... Dean... he was... Dean. I just needed some time on my own to sort things out."  
"When you showed up at Yale - why did you ask me to run away with you? I mean...you should've known how important education was to me."  
"Because I saw you standing in the hallway with Dean. I had come there to talk to you, but when I saw you guys, it was like someone caused a short-circuit - I just... stopped thinking, and all I could manage to think of was you and me getting away from that place, that town, because I knew that if we would want to start over, we couldn't do it in Stalkerazzi City. Why did you keep saying nothing but no?"  
"Because I couldn't think of anything else, and because I didn't want to make it too easy for you - after all, you had left, and I guess I tried to... punish you. What I realized too late was that by punishing you by saying no to no matter what you said, I punished myself, too. If... if I wouldn't've said no to your very last question... would you have... stayed?"  
"Yes. No. Yes. It... when I told you not to say no just to make you stop talking, and just to say no if you really didn't want to be with me, I... hoped you wouldn't say no. And... then we... would've had to talk things over, would've had to figure something out. I wouldn't have stayed in Stars Hollow, but... maybe some place in New Haven - all I wanted was to be with you, to get another chance. At Kyle's party, when... when you told me to stop... was it because of the location, because it was me, or... merely because you hadn't... been ready?"  
"It definitely wasn't because of you, or because I wasn't ready yet, Jess... I... honestly, when you had that black eye, I told Mom I thought about... doing it... with... you. It was just... the party... and... I was serious when I told you I was afraid someone might walk in. And even if I never got the perfect first time as I had always pictured it, I should've known that the only way for it to be perfect would've been to... have it with... you, and not... Dean. I... I really did love you, and... I..." I realized that she going to go off into rambling, so I decided to make it easier for her.  
"It's okay, Ror... I just... wanted to know if it had really been because it was... at the party," I sad and gave her a soft smile.  
"How... many people have you been with since we... broke up?"  
"Been with as in had a relationship? None. Been out on a date with? Uhm... two. Been with as in... had sex with..."  
"...I don't even really want to know," she said, laughing a little, which made me shrug. All right, she didn't want to know. Apparently she had just wanted to know if I had ever fallen in love with anybody else.  
I was just about to think of another question to ask her, when she already spoke up again.  
"Hey... Jess? Can we... well... screw getting up to twenty questions?" she asked, smiling a little, as she scooted closer to me.  
"We didn't even make it to ten each, and Miss Precise wants to already drop it?"  
She nodded, and kissed me, which made anything else seem unimportant anyways.  
"One last question," I mumbled against her lips, and pulled back a little, so I could look at her. "Do you... want to add another chapter to our fairytale?"  
"We should just... try it. If it should turn out not to work, we can still... call it a never ended sequel, but at least we would be able to say we tried, right?"  
"Right."


End file.
